3 Shades Of My Struggle With Being Beautiful

shades

Growing up in my pre teen years I was an average child, not too big or too small but bigger than the rest of my siblings, and taller too. At age 9, I could easy be mistaken for a 13 year old because of my height and my bigger frame.

As I grew older I began putting on more weight and really got bigger than the rest of my peers, I was called names at school, on the playground and everywhere else I went, I remember the painful physical education class that dragged so long, because of the comments I will get from my teacher who normally called me names.

As a result and tired of being teased, I withdrew from other children; I had a single trip from home to school and school to home every day, until I finished high school.

When I moved to a big town to start university education, again fitting in was a problem I had to face alone without my mom’s shadow to hide from. Life was completely different from what it used to be at high school I had friends big and small and nobody teased me about being fat, but I took a decision to lose weight, I reduced meals and did far more exercise, within months I was average and I lived as any average girl throughout university.

When I started work I began losing more weight but this time it was not planed or deliberate it just happened I seemed to shed more than reasonable weight over a short period of time, at first it didn’t worry me but my mother was not having any of it suggesting that I put up weight, but I couldn’t no matter how hard I tried.

Seeing myself  now being smaller than I used to be, I miss the high school days, I wish I could be bigger again, because the bigger me was not always happy but I was ok, I miss the average me because then I fit in.

The skinny shade of myself of which I’m currently in, I don’t see any positive in it and I’m trying so hard to get away from.

Maybe when on the forth shade or back to one of the previous two I’m going to see a positive that I’m trying so hard to find right now.

The most important thing I’ve learned in my struggle with weight and body image is that we are all beautiful in our own ways, what’s important is being healthy, size is just a number it doesn’t really matter.

I tell that to my friends but they take it with a pinch of salt because they thinking this b* is making fun of us because she’s approaching a zero, but truly speaking I envy them I wish somebody told me to be proud of being a bit bigger than average, I wish my physical education teacher said “it ok to be different, as long as you can still move and your health is ok”.

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