Breaking Generational Curse And Rules: Life And Relationship Lessons From My Elders


As I grow older I’ve come to realise that I look up to the older members of my family in everything I do, I idolize my father’s success and how he started from the bottom with nothing to where he is today, his story made me work hard at school till I graduated college. I love how my mother has always been around the house for as long as I can remember, sometimes I wish I could be that for my children, but sadly I can’t.

Times have changed and I honestly think that my mother and her peers are the last generation of real house wives. In the 21st century girls aspire to be more and have more.

Where am I going with this? From a very young age I saw my mother being a devoted house wife, who did everything for everybody in the house, a perfect wife and mother to everyone around, and my aunt bearing kids and raising kids of a man who came and went of her life as he pleased.

Culturally women don’t speak to their daughters about relationships and sex until they reach a certain age, but I was not about to go the traditional way, I remember being a very curious child wondering why my aunt had plenty of children. We would sleep with 2 kids and next morning she had 4, it seemed as her kids multiplied at night.

I remember when I was about 13 years old everybody in my house was preaching purity, my aunts and mother insisting that we should stay virgins, until we marry, out of curiosity I asked how does one stay a virgin and my mother’s answer was “by keeping away from the boys,” I had brothers, and all my friends were boys so I figured virgin talk is censored, I turned to my nanny and she was kind enough to clear it up for me.

From that age I decided that I won’t live my life according to my mother’s terms, I will lose my virginity when I feel it’s right not when the society says it right, it could be the age 14 or 40, I don’t care as long as I feel I’m ready for it.

Second decision was to never sleep with one child and woke up the next morning with multiplied children, like my aunt use to do.

Third decision was never to settle for an excuse of a man like my aunt did, I would never ever in my life let a man walk in and out of my life like a shopping mall.

My final decision of which I’ve bent a little, was to never have my own biological child, if ever I feel I needed a baby, I said I will adopt but the older I get I’ve decided to have at least one of my own and still adopt 2, of course all in good time.

The non negotiable, rule from my family that I still live by is independence, my mother and father always instilled hard work in me, from a very young age I earned, I never every claimed or received, I earned everything from my own school books to fancy games.

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